A Love Letter

by Laura Edinger

My life is full of love

But I’ve always been in the business

Of leaving that love

Behind

If someone asked me what love meant

I would have so many answers

Spilling over like soup

Somedays that love feels far

Like Adam

Reaching out

To touch tips with GOD

Where is my patience? My compassion? My empathy?

All these things you tell me I must be

Left behind, tangled in my bed sheets

At the bottom of my coffee cup

As I blearily rub my eyes

Leave a message at the tone.

When I finally stop

I remember that my life Is full of love

I have come so far

And I still have far to go

And now

I stare down the barrel

Another place, another city

Will I be able to say

Gun to my head

Love was enough

Can I carry your love with me

I silently ask with my eyes

It comes out as any other phrase

You are a cool drink of water

A warm blanket

Tears down my cheeks

I look forward, I look back

Can I carry your love with me?

Maybe the change will be good.

A new lease and a new lease on life

Or maybe this time,

I’ll get to be

The one that stays.

I have given my life

To this call

My blood, my sweat, my tears

In the name of medicine

Both friend and foe

A sweet kiss and a bitten lip

Do they see my blood

…and see my love?

Is it enough? Am I enough?

Such a fickle lover

And yet

I cant help but love her

Everything full to bursting like a ripe summer berry

I bleed for them

Sometimes I’m bleeding out

Do you want a little more? Here, you can have it.

I would give it all.

Or would I?

Maybe the old me would have

The adrenaline in my veins

Feeling so similar

To everything we have run from before

But maybe

I want to stop running

And instead

Have someone see my heart

And how it bleeds

Gentle hands caressing my wounds

Whispering

It’s okay baby girl

Rest your head

You don’t need to bleed

For me.